Stuck in an endless cycle of swiping and meeting for that first round of drinks, only to have someone ghost? Finding love in the digital age is hard. It’s frustrating, it’s flaky, and even in a sea of people sometimes feels like there’s no one right person. We’re optimistic, though. If you’re looking for love, we believe you can find it. We surveyed the landscape to find five expert tips for unpacking the rules of finding (and preserving) love.
- Astra Niedra of Tiny Buddha says “Stop looking for your soul mate and find the missing parts of you.” Look inwards to understand your strengths and weaknesses, what feels whole and what feels incomplete. But what to do with it?
Set a goal, and work towards it. According to life and relationship expert Mark Manson, “The only real dating advice is self improvement. Everything else is a distraction, a futile battle in the grey area, a prolonged ego trip.”
On that note, Dr. Gregory Jantz of The Center • A Place of HOPE counsels “Be confident. Be confident in yourself, your decisions, and your ability to attract love into your life. If you are being your authentic, best self, this confidence will radiate from you in a glow of self-worth.”
In the age of Tinder, it’s critical to remember that the best matches don’t always tick every box on your “soul mate” sheet. Love by Design coach Traci Porterfield reminds us to reserve the judgement and be open. "It's not a job interview. A lot of people go in with a mindset of, 'do they meet all the things on my checklist?' You should actually be listening more than you're speaking.”
- But how to find someone that won’t bore you while you’re reserving your judgement and getting to know them? It’s pretty simple. Relationship expert Pepper Schwartz advises “Go where people like the same things you like.” Common interests can indicate compatibility, and will give you something to bond over while you skip the small talk.
In short: You’ve gotta learn to love yourself first. Now go forth and find your soul mate.
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